Short cuts
9 insights of mixed quality
GUSTAVE COURBET:
A man who painted animals like they were humans and humans like they were beasts.
WHAT ARE PONYTAILS FOR?
Ponytails are for people who enjoy having long hair but also enjoy having their neck grabbed.
AUTOMATIC DISPOSAL UNIT
The signifier butt doesn't suit its signified very well. Rump is better—it gets at some of the warmth and reverb you feel after slapping one. Bottom is good. To say bottom is to picture a pair of clean wet cheeks being scrubbed with a towel. Ass neither looks nor sounds the way it should. Culo works. Tush works. Backside works—it sounds like description of a waxing moon. Waxing moon works.
Moneymaker is optimistic but vague.
DIAGNOSTIC TOOL I
The way you feel waking up late on a weekend is a reliable indicator of your overall well-being. If you are upset that most of the day is wasted, you are in a good spot. If you're relieved that most of the day is over, you are in a bad spot.
GUIDE TO AMERICAN COOKBOOKS 1950-1965
If a dish contains pineapple, it is Hawaiian.
If a dish contains wine, it is French.
If a dish contains paprika, it is Hungarian.
If a dish contains soy sauce, it is Japanese.
If a dish contains water chestnuts, it is Chinese.
If a dish contains cashew nuts, it is Oriental.
If a dish contains pimento, it is Mexican.
If a dish contains turmeric, it is Indian.
If a dish contains lime, it is Continental.
If a dish contains coconut, it is Exotic.
PAP STAND
Let me tell you about my business concept. It is a pap stand. All you need is a vat, a ladle, and a salt shaker. The pap could be anything: oatmeal, kasha, cream of wheat. The point is that it be pap. You could also call it gruel or even porridge. Any monotextural substance that blurs the line between liquid and solid. Every culture has one.
Here’s what you do. You sell a different pap every day of the week, on rotation. This way people are able to memorize the menu. It is an easy system, and people like ease. They also like warmth and simplicity, although sometimes you have to remind them of this last one.
WINCE
It is very clear when you wake up sick. It isn't like waking up groggy or merely "under the weather." The sentence almost appears in your head: "I am sick." There. Fact.
Waking up sick is acceptable if it is penance for a hangover or if you are pregnant, in which case morning sickness is the down payment on a baby. But waking up sick without reason, when all was fine the night before––this dampens a person's mood like nothing else.
HOT DOG METAPHOR
A hot dog is a collection of undesirable things modified and assembled in such a way as to be delicious.
THE LAW OF PEOPLE-WATCHING:
If you look at a person long enough, he will do something worth watching.
